Why We Don't Have a God

Dad: Aww.... you're going in the chipper, ain't you, doggy?

Problem Girl

Mandy: Hey, cool!

Nick: What?

Mandy: You know how my ipod wouldn't turn on? I dropped it down the stairs and now it's working again!

 Nick: You should do that to all your problems from now on.

Nocturnal

Ty: Why is your turtle sleeping? It should wake up!

Mandy: Well, she's nocturnal, so she sleeps during the day.

Ty: She's a... night turtle?  That's weird.  Wanna play guns with us?

The Face of God

Facebook: Would you like to tag this picture?

Mom: Sure, if you want me to tag the face of God.

Hair

Mandy: My hair is weird. One side curls and the other side is flat, and then the next day the other side is curly and the curly side is flat.

 Mom: It's the delicate balance of keeping Mandy's head on straight.

The Fourth Wall

Nick: We can't break the fourth wall; that's the only thing holding up the ceiling!  What if it rains?  Then what?

Dysfunction

Mandy: On our introduction thing-y, Mom put that our family consists of 1 dad, 1 mom, 2 teenagers, a turtle, and a rabbit.

Nick: We sound dysfunctional already.