*Sits on wall*

Spider: *Sits on wall*
Mandy: Get in the cup for me.
Spider: *Doesn't move*
Mandy: Go on, get in the cup and I'll take you outside.
Spider: *Doesn't move*
Mandy: C'mon, lovi, you don't want to die and I don't want to hurt you.
Spider: *Gets in cup*

Why We Don't Have a God

Dad: Aww.... you're going in the chipper, ain't you, doggy?

Nocturnal

Ty: Why is your turtle sleeping? It should wake up!

Mandy: Well, she's nocturnal, so she sleeps during the day.

Ty: She's a... night turtle?  That's weird.  Wanna play guns with us?

The Things I Miss in the Bathroom

Mom: Hey, do you want to take his quiz to see what your animal name is?  We're all sloths, though, because our last name is Cooke.

Mandy: Uh, sure.  What's mine?

Mom: Flopsy the hairy sloth. 

Mandy:  Tich, that's stupid.  What's Nick's?

Mom: Sammy the not so shabby sloth. 

Mandy: Okay, that one's more funny.  How about yours?

Mom: Er... I'm Voldemort the laughing sloth. 

Mandy: Oh my gosh, seriously?

Mom: It's a good thing I married your dad, or else I'd be Voldemort the laughing banana slug.

Nick: What's everyone laughing about?

Mandy: Mom is Voldemort the laughing banana slug!

Nick: ...I miss so much stuff when I go to the bathroom.