Why We Don't Have a God

Dad: Aww.... you're going in the chipper, ain't you, doggy?

The Things I Miss in the Bathroom

Mom: Hey, do you want to take his quiz to see what your animal name is?  We're all sloths, though, because our last name is Cooke.

Mandy: Uh, sure.  What's mine?

Mom: Flopsy the hairy sloth. 

Mandy:  Tich, that's stupid.  What's Nick's?

Mom: Sammy the not so shabby sloth. 

Mandy: Okay, that one's more funny.  How about yours?

Mom: Er... I'm Voldemort the laughing sloth. 

Mandy: Oh my gosh, seriously?

Mom: It's a good thing I married your dad, or else I'd be Voldemort the laughing banana slug.

Nick: What's everyone laughing about?

Mandy: Mom is Voldemort the laughing banana slug!

Nick: ...I miss so much stuff when I go to the bathroom.