*Sits on wall*

Spider: *Sits on wall*
Mandy: Get in the cup for me.
Spider: *Doesn't move*
Mandy: Go on, get in the cup and I'll take you outside.
Spider: *Doesn't move*
Mandy: C'mon, lovi, you don't want to die and I don't want to hurt you.
Spider: *Gets in cup*

The Face of God

Facebook: Would you like to tag this picture?

Mom: Sure, if you want me to tag the face of God.

Pig Sweat

Mandy: You know, I think pigs would be a lot higher up on the evolutionary line if they could sweat.

Mom: Sweat? 

Dad: 'Hey, if we melted down that ore, we could make a plow and sow some seeds and pretty soon we'd have a farm!  Except...'

Mandy: 'It's really hot.'

Dad: They probably figured it all out, realized it would take a hundred thousand generations of pigs dying of heat before they could take over the world.

Mom: If only they could see us now, turning them all into bacon.

Dad: Yeah, they're so smart.  They should've known this was coming. 

Mandy: I bet they sit and wallow in their mud and think, 'If we had sweat glands, we would be top of the food chain right now!'